Sphere (1998)
IMDB rating: 5.50
Plot: 1000 feet below the ocean, navy divers discover an object half-a-mile long. A crack team of scientists are deployed to the site in Deepsea Habitats. What they find boggles the mind as they discover a perfect metal sphere. What is the secret behind the sphere? Will they survive the mysterious ‘manifestations’? [...]

Actors: Seagal Steven,Lang Stephen,Hunt Brad,Kristofferson Kris,Stanton Harry Dean,Helm Levon,Collie Mark,Harvey Alex,Bruce Ed,Masur Richard,Krawic Michael,Jeter Clay,Thriller,Drama,Action,

what do you think of my narrative essay?
it was for english, its kinda long, constructive criticism please, or bash i don’t really care. ill compare your feedback to my mark . tell me what you think
note: i tried to be historically accurate XD

explosions thundered off in the distance lighting up the sky followed by sporatic rifle fire. It was dusk now. Sevastian crawled carefully through the bramble of bristly, jagged branches. The year was 1943, The Germans operation to eliminate the threat of the Soviet Union had all but failed. Spread out too thin over a wide front against the will and determination of the Soviets. The Soviet Union was now on the offensive and pushing deep into German occupied territory. Sevastian had enlisted and trained to be a sniper in the infantry, he had spent the past 16 year hunting, and had considered himself adept and qaulified for the position. So far his career was going well and had earned many kills. Earlier that day his company of infantry and 2 other tank sqauds had assaulted the city of Poltava, Ukrain. They had been unsuccesful and much of the company was either killed or seperated, Sevastian was no exception. He had never found himself alone in the wilderness before and he knew a German counterattack would be inevitable and chances are they would find him along the way. Quietly moving through the forest grasping his rifle, he was alert and ready to fire if needed. The metal on the bolt of his Mosin-Nagant rifle was cold on his hands, winter was only a month away.

The wind began to sway the trees restlessly and his trench coat was whipping around his legs. Night was fast approaching. He arrived at the bottom of a jagged mountain with a visible peak. He figured he could hide there till either the Soviets attacked with second wave or until the Germans follow through with a counterattack, or atleast to help figure out where he is. Sevastian slung his rifle on his back and began to climb. He was tired and was beginning to to lose awareness of his surroundings. About halfway up he went to grab onto a rock and it slowing slid out of position and seemed to leap down to the ground below. Sevastian fell to a ledge 2 meters below, he felt a thick pain in his left shoulder and came to the conclusion that he could finish scaling the mountain. Thats when he realised the two sentries scouting thoroughly through the forest. he was clearly visible on the ledge he was sitting on and knew they would find him if he tried to climb down and escape. Sevastian chambered a bullet into his rifle with precision. He peered through the iron sights and took time to line them perfectly, in his mind he knew when the trigger was pulled one of the scouts would be instantly killed.

The night had gotten windier, still he was sure of his aim. Sevastian lightly squeezed the trigger, the sound echoed over the forest. Sevastian saw one scout on the ground rolling in pain and the other had dissapeared, he was searching for him. He then began to realize how much trouble he really was in. The scout screaming and the gun shot would have been enough to alert others in the area. He heard someone below him. The other scout was examining the mountain he was on. Sevastian studied the distance to the ground. His plan was to land on the scout. If he landed right with his bayonet knife in hand he could kill the scout. Sevastian rolled off the cliff landing exactly where he wanted to. The scout was stunned and supprised that a Soviet soldier had jumped on him. Sevastian quickly raised his knife hand and plunged it the Germans neck. The man was terrified and grabbed out to Sevastian gasping for air. Sevastian stared at him in disbelief never had he seen hand to hand combat and now he was witnessing a man who only wished to live, seeing his eyes pleading. He couldn’t take it anymore. Sevastian ripped the knife out of his neck and the scout died. the other scout was still rolling in pain and Sevastian went to investigate him. The man was turning pale. He knew he should kill him now but he couldn’t risk another gunshot. He would have to use his knife again. He couldn’t do it and he couldn’t leave him there to die. Sevastian ripped off a sleeve from his trench coat and rapped it around the leg wound of the scout. He lifted him up and began carrying him. He could see in the mans eyes that he was fading but he had to atleast make an effort to save him, he couldn’t watch someone die again knowing he was responsible.

After 2 hours of wondering he found a town that had been liberated by the Soviets. He left the scout on the outskirts and ran in to get medical supplies. When he returned he found that the scout he had tried to escape but failed he had fallen asleep meters away from his original position. Sevastian woke him up patched his leg and gave him to sticks he found for him to use as crutches. While in the town he learned of a massive Soviet attack planned for Poltava in the morning. He gave the man a map and showed him where they were, he told them t

First, I was about halfway through your essay before i could figure out which side your POV character was on. Maybe I am dense (maybe?) but you could make this clear a little earlier. Sorry, his name did not help me.

Second, you have a few run-on sentences and sentence fragments. Try reading your essay aloud — bet you will see them quickly and fix them just as quickly.

Spelling — I hate to say it, but pls use a spell checker.

Otherwise, this is an excellent essay. I saw what your POV character was seeing, felt what he was feeling. Well done!You should get a good mark on this – you earned it.

Whortleberry | Jan 26, 2010